
Eat Bags
US$19.95
Printed to order in the USA · Flat US$4.95 US shipping, free over US$65.00

Thou bags and aprons - White knight on horseback flanked by arched text Thou may ingest A satchel of Richards
Flat US$4.95 US shipping · free over US$65.00 · sales tax is calculated from your shipping address at checkout.
Delivery to United States
Arrives —
Orders ship within the United States only. Flat US$4.95 shipping under US$65.00 — free from US$65.00.
Returns
Request a return or exchange within 30 days of purchase, for any reason — we cover return shipping.
Printed to order
Every apron is printed after you order it. Please allow 1-3 business days for processing before it leaves the print shop.
Thou Bags is printed on a black canvas apron — one size, made to order and shipped within the United States.
thou bags and aprons puts the exact phrase Thou may ingest a satchel of Richards across the front panel, and the surrounding white line art depicts a knight on horseback carrying a lance. This visual pairing lands as a piece of sarcastic commentary that mimics old English heraldry while delivering a crude message. Wearing it allows the wearer to express a specific affinity for vintage-style adult humor, and people who enjoy Renaissance fairs or archaic wordplay will feel it was made for them.
A white knight on horseback dominates the center of the black bib apron, rendered in a detailed line-art style. The rider holds a long lance and carries a shield, facing leftward in a classic pose. Two lines of text frame this central figure in an arched formation. The upper curve reads Thou may ingest while the lower curve completes the sentence with A satchel of Richards. The lettering uses a gothic typeface that reinforces the historical aesthetic of the drawing. Together, the stark white graphics against the dark fabric create a high-contrast image that draws the eye immediately to the humorous contradiction between the noble subject and the vulgar text.
Friends and family with a penchant for sarcasm notice the clever mix of medieval imagery and modern slang first. This apron works well as a birthday, anniversary, or holiday gift for someone who enjoys gadult humor and funny sayings. It gets worn during casual gatherings or kitchen tasks when the wearer wants to signal they possess a specific, slightly edgy sense of comedy.
What is the neck strap length range for this product? The neck strap adjusts from 20 to 30 inches to accommodate different body sizes. This specific measurement range ensures the generous cut of the black bib apron sits correctly on most adults without being too tight or too loose. How does the ink withstand washing cycles? The white print is durable enough to survive standard laundering because it is bonded to the fabric surface. Users can wash the apron without worrying about the gothic lettering or the knight illustration fading or peeling away from the black material. Does the text use standard modern spelling? The text retains archaic spellings like Thou and may instead of You and may. This deliberate choice preserves the pseudo-medieval tone required for the joke to function as intended rather than appearing as a simple typo.
Every apron is printed after you order it. Orders are processed Monday through Friday, excluding federal holidays — please allow 1-3 business days for order processing. After processing, shipping typically takes 3-7 business days inside the United States, so the total delivery time from order placement is 4-10 business days.
US orders under US$65.00 pay a flat US$4.95 shipping; orders of US$65.00 or more ship free. Bearhap ships within the United States only — we do not ship to international addresses.
You may request a return or exchange within 30 days of the purchase date, for any reason. The apron must be unopened, unused and in its original packaging, with proof of purchase. We refund the item price in full to the original payment method — the original US$4.95 shipping fee is not refundable — and Bearhap covers all return shipping costs: email contact@bearhap.com for a free return label.
Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colours. Tumble dry low or hang to dry. Do not iron directly over the print — press from the back if you need to. No bleach, no dry cleaning.
The ink is water-based and cures into the fabric, so it will soften with the canvas rather than peel off it.
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