

Murderino Smiletodaytees Apron Featuring SHHH I'M LISTENING
Murderino smiletodaytees apron - Distressed white text SHHH I'M LISTENING TO MY TRUE CRIME PODCAST over red blood
Flat US$4.95 US shipping · free over US$65.00 · sales tax is calculated from your shipping address at checkout.
Delivery to United States
Arrives —
Orders ship within the United States only. Flat US$4.95 shipping under US$65.00 — free from US$65.00.
Returns
Request a return or exchange within 30 days of purchase, for any reason — we cover return shipping.
Printed to order
Every apron is printed after you order it. Please allow 1-3 business days for processing before it leaves the print shop.
Murderino Smiletodaytees Apron Featuring SHHH I'M LISTENING is printed on a black canvas apron — one size, made to order and shipped within the United States.
The murderino smiletodaytees apron puts the exact phrase SHHH... I'M LISTENING TO MY TRUE CRIME PODCAST across the front panel, and the stacked white lettering reads as a sarcastic demand for silence from a dedicated listener. Wearing it signals to housemates that your attention is fixed on a narrative about criminal cases, and fans of serial killer documentaries will recognize this as their own personal motto. The distressed texture of the font reinforces the gritty nature of the hobby.
Looking At The Front Panel
Five lines of stacked text dominate the center of the panel, rendered in a rough, distressed white font that suggests age and wear. Behind and around these letters, red blood splatters are scattered across the surface, providing a violent backdrop to the quiet command. The layout uses only text and graphic splatters, avoiding any other imagery or icons. This combination of typography and color belongs to the true crime aesthetic, mimicking the visual language of horror and investigation. The design functions as a single, cohesive statement rather than a collection of separate elements.
Who Gets The Joke
People who watch serial killer movies and listen to detective podcasts notice the reference instantly. Gifting this murderino smiletodaytees apron to a true crime junkie acknowledges their specific obsession with cold cases. They wear it in the kitchen while preparing food, turning a mundane chore into a moment of storytelling immersion. The sarcasm lands best with those who understand the tension between domestic life and media consumption.
Answers Up Front
Does this black bib apron fit different body types? Yes, the product offers a generous cut designed to fit most adults comfortably. The adjustable neck strap measures between 20 and 30 inches, allowing you to customize the length to your specific height and torso size before you begin cooking.
Can I wash the ink without fading the design? The distressed print is durable enough to withstand standard washing cycles because the white ink sits atop the black fabric. You should turn the apron inside out before laundering to protect the red splatters and lettering from friction damage.
Why does this specific text appear on an apron? The design merges the act of cooking with the habit of consuming audio content, suggesting the wearer cannot pause their podcast even while chopping vegetables. The phrase SHHH... I'M LISTENING TO MY TRUE CRIME PODCAST explains this behavior through humor, validating the distraction as a necessary part of the crime enthusiast experience.
Every apron is printed after you order it. Orders are processed Monday through Friday, excluding federal holidays — please allow 1-3 business days for order processing. After processing, shipping typically takes 3-7 business days inside the United States, so the total delivery time from order placement is 4-10 business days.
US orders under US$65.00 pay a flat US$4.95 shipping; orders of US$65.00 or more ship free. Bearhap ships within the United States only — we do not ship to international addresses.
You may request a return or exchange within 30 days of the purchase date, for any reason. The apron must be unopened, unused and in its original packaging, with proof of purchase. We refund the item price in full to the original payment method — the original US$4.95 shipping fee is not refundable — and Bearhap covers all return shipping costs: email contact@bearhap.com for a free return label.
Care
Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colours. Tumble dry low or hang to dry. Do not iron directly over the print — press from the back if you need to. No bleach, no dry cleaning.
The ink is water-based and cures into the fabric, so it will soften with the canvas rather than peel off it.
Questions about Junkie aprons
- Who is the best audience for these aprons?
- These aprons suit individuals who appreciate dark humor and self-deprecating jokes about their daily habits. They are ideal for people who want to express their personality through clothing that acknowledges their reliance on specific routines or substances in a lighthearted way.
- What types of designs are included?
- The collection features various themes including coffee culture, aquatic life, and musical references. Designs range from leopard prints to distressed crosses, offering a mix of visual styles that all tie back to the central theme of obsession and ritualistic behavior in everyday life.
- How should I choose between similar designs?
- Consider whether you prefer text-based humor or illustrative art. Some designs focus on specific items like vinyl records or coffee cups, while others use abstract patterns. Choose the one that best reflects your personal sense of humor and the specific type of 'addiction' you wish to highlight.
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