

Scuba Themed Aprons Featuring THE CLOSER I GET TO THE BOTTOM
Scuba themed aprons - Diver silhouette in teal and blue water with text about getting farther from idiots at the bottom
Flat US$4.95 US shipping · free over US$65.00 · sales tax is calculated from your shipping address at checkout.
Delivery to United States
Arrives —
Orders ship within the United States only. Flat US$4.95 shipping under US$65.00 — free from US$65.00.
Returns
Request a return or exchange within 30 days of purchase, for any reason — we cover return shipping.
Printed to order
Every apron is printed after you order it. Please allow 1-3 business days for processing before it leaves the print shop.
Scuba Themed Aprons Featuring THE CLOSER I GET TO THE BOTTOM is printed on a black canvas apron — one size, made to order and shipped within the United States.
scuba themed aprons feature the phrase THE CLOSER I GET TO THE BOTTOM THE FARTHER I AM FROM IDIOTS across the front panel, and the words land as a sarcastic declaration that deep ocean solitude equals sanity. Wearing it signals a preference for aquatic peace over human interaction to fellow divers, and home cooks who find joy in submerged silence feel this specific garment was tailored for their personality.
What The Print Says
A rectangular underwater scene sits centered between blocks of text in a minimalist style using only teal and blue colors. The upper text reads THE CLOSER I GET TO THE BOTTOM in light teal, while the lower text states THE FARTHER I AM FROM IDIOTS in dark blue. A scuba diver silhouette descends through the gradient water alongside fish and kelp, creating a cohesive visual statement about the benefits of depth.
The Cook It Was Made For
This scuba themed aprons design targets underwater enthusiasts who notice the irony of surface socializing immediately. It acts as a humorous gift for birthdays or holidays for biologists and divers who identify with the quote. Home cooks wearing it establish that their kitchen is a sanctuary where they prefer ingredients to people.
Ordering Questions
Do the pockets have specific measurements? Each of the two front pockets measures 8 by 7 inches and is split in the middle. This configuration provides divided storage for small tools within the 10 oz cotton canvas construction that softens after initial washing.
How does the print hold up to cleaning? The applied graphics remain intact during repeated laundering cycles because the ink bonds securely to the fabric. The material transitions from stiff to soft after two or three washes without compromising the textual or graphical integrity.
Does the slogan reference a specific diving concept? Yes, the text explicitly celebrates reaching the bottom of the water column. This detail distinguishes the wearer from surface dwellers by validating the mental clarity found specifically during deep descents rather than general swimming.
Every apron is printed after you order it. Orders are processed Monday through Friday, excluding federal holidays — please allow 1-3 business days for order processing. After processing, shipping typically takes 3-7 business days inside the United States, so the total delivery time from order placement is 4-10 business days.
US orders under US$65.00 pay a flat US$4.95 shipping; orders of US$65.00 or more ship free. Bearhap ships within the United States only — we do not ship to international addresses.
You may request a return or exchange within 30 days of the purchase date, for any reason. The apron must be unopened, unused and in its original packaging, with proof of purchase. We refund the item price in full to the original payment method — the original US$4.95 shipping fee is not refundable — and Bearhap covers all return shipping costs: email contact@bearhap.com for a free return label.
Care
Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colours. Tumble dry low or hang to dry. Do not iron directly over the print — press from the back if you need to. No bleach, no dry cleaning.
The ink is water-based and cures into the fabric, so it will soften with the canvas rather than peel off it.
Questions about Diving aprons
- Who is the ideal buyer for these designs?
- These aprons are made for certified divers, marine biologists, and ocean enthusiasts who want to display their passion. They suit anyone who spends significant time in or around water and appreciates nautical aesthetics.
- What specific themes are included here?
- The collection features Hawaiian scenery, patriotic American flags, technical scuba gear illustrations, and humorous quotes about breathing underwater. Each design targets a different aspect of the diving community experience.
- How do I choose the right one?
- Select based on your primary interest, whether it is travel, patriotism, technical diving, or humor. Consider if you prefer realistic gear depictions or stylized graphic text that represents your identity as a diver.
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