

Today Rainbow Apron Featuring Not Today Jesus Text
Today rainbow apron - Rainbow goat head in pentagram with flame and arched text Not Today Jesus
Flat US$4.95 US shipping · free over US$65.00 · sales tax is calculated from your shipping address at checkout.
Delivery to United States
Arrives —
Orders ship within the United States only. Flat US$4.95 shipping under US$65.00 — free from US$65.00.
Returns
Request a return or exchange within 30 days of purchase, for any reason — we cover return shipping.
Printed to order
Every apron is printed after you order it. Please allow 1-3 business days for processing before it leaves the print shop.
Today Rainbow Apron Featuring Not Today Jesus Text is printed on a black canvas apron — one size, made to order and shipped within the United States.
today rainbow apron features the phrase NOT TODAY JESUS arched below a cartoon goat head. The design places this sarcastic declaration inside a colorful pentagram to signal a rejection of traditional piety in favor of playful irreverence. Wearing it signals that the wearer prefers humor over holy duties, and home cooks with a dark sense of wit know this specific bib was made for their kitchen.
The Artwork Explained
This artwork centers a stylized goat head with rainbow-striped horns and a flame atop its forehead within a five-pointed star. The colors purple, blue, pink, yellow, and green define the horn swirls and the surrounding circle. Arched text below the graphic reads NOT TODAY JESUS in matching vibrant hues. This composition merges occult imagery with 90s cartoon aesthetics to deliver a punchline of sarcasm rather than religious devotion.
Kitchens It Belongs In
This black bib apron belongs in kitchens where cooking is an act of rebellion or where the cook enjoys satirical humor. It serves as a perfect gift for someone who finds traditional decor too stiff or wants to add attitude to meal prep. The adjustable neck strap ensures a secure fit while stirring pots that demand serious focus.
What Buyers Ask
What are the dimensions of the neck strap? The adjustable neck strap measures between 20 and 30 inches, allowing the apron to accommodate various body sizes comfortably without slipping off the shoulder during active use.
Can I wash this apron without fading the ink? Yes, the printed design holds up through standard laundering cycles because the ink bonds with the black fabric, ensuring the vibrant rainbow colors remain distinct after repeated washing.
Does the goat have eyelashes in the design? Yes, the cartoon illustration depicts the goat with distinct long eyelashes on its eyes, adding a specific stylistic detail that contrasts with the sharp angles of the pentagram behind it.
Every apron is printed after you order it. Orders are processed Monday through Friday, excluding federal holidays — please allow 1-3 business days for order processing. After processing, shipping typically takes 3-7 business days inside the United States, so the total delivery time from order placement is 4-10 business days.
US orders under US$65.00 pay a flat US$4.95 shipping; orders of US$65.00 or more ship free. Bearhap ships within the United States only — we do not ship to international addresses.
You may request a return or exchange within 30 days of the purchase date, for any reason. The apron must be unopened, unused and in its original packaging, with proof of purchase. We refund the item price in full to the original payment method — the original US$4.95 shipping fee is not refundable — and Bearhap covers all return shipping costs: email contact@bearhap.com for a free return label.
Care
Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colours. Tumble dry low or hang to dry. Do not iron directly over the print — press from the back if you need to. No bleach, no dry cleaning.
The ink is water-based and cures into the fabric, so it will soften with the canvas rather than peel off it.
Questions about Today aprons
- Who is this collection best suited for?
- This collection is ideal for individuals who enjoy expressing their sense of humor through their attire. It works well for fans of memes, pop culture references, and fictional characters who want to add a detail to their kitchen activities without being overly loud or aggressive in their style choices.
- What types of designs are included here?
- You will find a variety of themes ranging from religious parody like Jesus Not Today to sitcom references such as Peter Not Today. There are also absurdist jokes like the Pooped Gag series and fantasy elements in the Unlock Magic design, ensuring there is something for almost every type of humor lover.
- How do I choose the right one?
- Consider which character or meme resonates most with your personal taste. If you love family sitcoms, the Peter design might be perfect. For those who appreciate darker or more abstract humor, the Satan Meme or Pooped Gag options could be better fits based on your preferred comedic style.
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