

Attempted Bird Apron Featuring Two Black Crows on a Branch
Attempted bird apron - Two black crows on a branch above the text Attempted murder
Flat US$4.95 US shipping · free over US$65.00 · sales tax is calculated from your shipping address at checkout.
Delivery to United States
Arrives —
Orders ship within the United States only. Flat US$4.95 shipping under US$65.00 — free from US$65.00.
Returns
Request a return or exchange within 30 days of purchase, for any reason — we cover return shipping.
Printed to order
Every apron is printed after you order it. Please allow 1-3 business days for processing before it leaves the print shop.
Attempted Bird Apron Featuring Two Black Crows on a Branch is printed on a black canvas apron — one size, made to order and shipped within the United States.
The phrase 'attempted bird apron' introduces the 'Attempted murder' pun printed across the front panel, and the words read as a play on the collective noun for crows. Two black crows stand on a branch facing each other above the text, creating a minimalist silhouette that lands as a clever literary joke. Wearing it signals a love for wordplay and ornithology, and a literature professor or bird watcher will feel it was made specifically for them.
Reading The Design
Two black crows stand on a single branch facing each other, forming the central image of this minimalist artwork. The text Attempted murder is printed directly below the branch in a jagged, hand-lettered font that reinforces the dark humor. This layout connects the visual count of the birds to the definition of a crow gathering, where a full group is known as a murder. The design uses only black ink on the print, relying on the stark contrast between the silhouettes and the background to communicate the pun effectively without extra ornamentation.
When People Wear It
Literature professors and Poe aficionados notice the reference to the specific term for a crow gathering immediately. This attempted bird apron serves as a witty gift for birthdays, Halloween, or Christmas for anyone who enjoys clever jokes. It gets worn in the kitchen by cooks who want to inject dry, intellectual humor into their daily meal preparation routine.
Common Questions
Does this apron fit different body sizes? Yes, the waist ties measure 42 inches on each side, providing ample length to tie securely in front for various torso widths. The body size measures 28 inches wide by 34 inches long, offering substantial coverage for most users regardless of their height or build during cooking tasks.
How does the ink hold up during washing? The print remains durable because it is integrated into the fabric rather than sitting on top as a thick layer that might crack. You can wash the item normally, and the black lettering and crow silhouettes will maintain their sharp edges and contrast after repeated cleaning cycles.
Why is the count of crows significant to the joke? The humor depends entirely on the fact that there are exactly two birds shown, not a large flock. Since a group of crows is technically called a murder, having only two represents an incomplete or failed attempt at forming that specific collective noun.
Every apron is printed after you order it. Orders are processed Monday through Friday, excluding federal holidays — please allow 1-3 business days for order processing. After processing, shipping typically takes 3-7 business days inside the United States, so the total delivery time from order placement is 4-10 business days.
US orders under US$65.00 pay a flat US$4.95 shipping; orders of US$65.00 or more ship free. Bearhap ships within the United States only — we do not ship to international addresses.
You may request a return or exchange within 30 days of the purchase date, for any reason. The apron must be unopened, unused and in its original packaging, with proof of purchase. We refund the item price in full to the original payment method — the original US$4.95 shipping fee is not refundable — and Bearhap covers all return shipping costs: email contact@bearhap.com for a free return label.
Care
Machine wash cold, inside out, with like colours. Tumble dry low or hang to dry. Do not iron directly over the print — press from the back if you need to. No bleach, no dry cleaning.
The ink is water-based and cures into the fabric, so it will soften with the canvas rather than peel off it.
Questions about Crow aprons
- Who is the ideal buyer for these crow-themed designs?
- This collection suits gothic enthusiasts, Halloween party-goers, and fans of vaporwave or retro gaming aesthetics. It is made for anyone who appreciates dark humor, symbolic animal imagery, and vintage pop culture references expressed through smart, everyday wear.
- What types of crow designs are included here?
- The assortment features diverse styles including a flying crow, a cawing crow, and thematic variants like vaporwave and poetry gothic interpretations. There are also crossover designs involving skulls and gaming elements, offering variety beyond standard bird illustrations.
- How do I choose the right design for my style?
- Select based on your preferred aesthetic. Choose the vaporwave option for neon vibes, the skull design for gaming nostalgia, or the simple crow bird apron for classic elegance. Consider whether you prefer static images or action-oriented graphics like the flying crow.
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